p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize