o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
