She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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