Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
