I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
