Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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