You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
