he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
