Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
