wakey wakey hands off snakey
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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