i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
