He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
