ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
