First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
