I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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