The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
