Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
