Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize