i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
