I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
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