Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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