Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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