Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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