It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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