I just pynch a tree in the face
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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