i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I puked a lego.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
