Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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