omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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