Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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