I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
