There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
