how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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