yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
