sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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