The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
