Will you blow on my dice?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
