just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Randomize
