Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
