your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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