The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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