I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
