we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize