It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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