Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
