She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
