he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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