And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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