Sorry, I don't speak sober.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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