i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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