Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
