so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
