6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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