five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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