If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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