margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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