The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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