so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize