names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
