I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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