I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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