just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
whose parrot is this?
My ass is underappreciated
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
