As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
