I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
