Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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