My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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